1 Year on HRT
I still remember by November through February of last year just how much I've wanted to get started in transitioning via hormones, it was something I've been wanting to do for a while but around that time it intensified, as the gears finally started moving for it to happen.
Skip forward more than a year later, and here we are, 1 year on HRT and going strong... I guess. So, how is my treatment for this been going so far? Now that we got past the embed cut let me tell you.
The first 6 months were going pretty well, I slowly but surely noticed more changes from it in my body, such as my skin getting softer, a bit of breast growth, my body temperature changing, and my estrogen levels kept rising at a good level.
In the time afterwards though, it hasn't been so nice, hell I feel like it got worse.
First, my estrogen levels stagnated, but my testosterone is also deep underground, so between one and the other I've been feeling very lacking of energies overall, I spent entire days where the only thing I could do after waking up is to go back to bed through most of the day. You could argue that my depression could be doing this, yet before I started with HRT I never experienced this, it was specifically after the first 6 months with this stagnation/low levels of hormones that started it.
Then there's the fact that, because of the things mentioned before, I stopped getting changes at all, hell even some parts such as breast growth may have reversed a tiny bit.
These 2 things made me have a bigger than usual gender dysphoria, I was in HRT yet every day that passed by it felt like I was reverting back to the person I was before all of this, the person I didn't wanna become, the person that started me on my depression many years ago.
At times it feels like I may die just because of how low my hormone levels are, and I tried expressing it with my Endo and family about it, yet they brush it off as something to be expected, and I don't know what to tell you, but to experience the Endo seeing your studies where it clearly shows you're so low on both E and T and saying that everything is ok kinda makes me worried for my future, haha.
I try to stay positive through it, but it feels pointless at times, I'll never achieve much of my goals if I keep being like this, yet people keep denying me of getting out of it.
There's the DIY HRT thing too, but I can't do it because 1. it's too expensive over this side of the world where the economy is through the fucking floor, and 2. almost all places providing this rely on crypto, which I get where they're coming from (if the Visa, Mastercard, Stripe and PayPal mess of a year ago wasn't a sign of it), but I can't lean myself to support something like that which ruins the planet with its power consumption and volatile values, same reason of why I don't nor will ever use AI chatbots, agentic AI, you name it.
Now, I wanna be clear about something, this doesn't mean that I'm against HRT, sorry if it could have given that vibe to you, HRT is a great thing that should be supported in more places and communities, it's just that my experience with my endo has been shitty yet there ain't no one else that can take care of it in my healthcare plan, so I'm kinda doomed over here either way.
I also won't quit on HRT, I just hope that the day where I can see my body in a way I feel comfortable comes by, eventually, before I die hopefully.
Either way, I hope to see you soon.
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I wanted to write new blogposts for many months now, starting with this one, yet I couldn't get through with them because of what was stated here prior, same with art as I've been feeling like doodoo at most times to even get anything done. I got gifted a laptop as an early birthday gift though, and thanks to it I could get this specific blog done (even though it's been 4 months since my actual 1st year on HRT), so I hope to see you back again soon around these sides or on my current social medias too. Till later!
- AnubiArts, the HRTer of ye.