Breaking Free from the usual Habits
In these past few 3 to 4 months I've felt... stuck, sometimes from a "My energy to do this just isn't there at all" but more so from not getting anything done, even if I have the motivation and will to do it, I just barely get anything done.
May it be doing commissions in some moments, to trying to play videogames by myself, chatting with friends or even writing for this blog too (I've got a few ideas that never saw the light of day due to this).
I honestly couldn't figure out what was causing it. Was it the medications I take? I didn't think so, as it didn't really change since 6 months ago, and this started happening a while after that. Was it how I've been feeling emotionally? While that can stop me in my tracks, I know when it attacks because I just feel drained whenever it occurs, while in these cases I have more than enough energy to do them. I was running out of possible causes and I still didn't have an answer.
It wasn't until yesterday where I was planning to play a videogame again that it hit me, and it's something so dumb, yet kinda powerful if you stop and think about it.
I was constantly checking my different social medias. I did not even give them a minute of peace before I checked them again. May it be checking notifications or what new post was shared, I kept doing it again and again, from one site to the other. I was doing this for the past hour.
It hit me even harder once I realized this isn't the first time something like this happens, as I already experience it after I wake up or before I sleep, even in other things too, like checking different Discord channels or switching between different websites (LIKE I'M DOING RIGHT NOW), and I do this basically every day.
It sounds stupid, and that's because it is, But possibly one of the biggest reasons of why I couldn't move past most things these last few months is because I was stuck doing the most mundane things possible, waiting for something to happen. Yet I was still there, doing it time and time again.
Seeing and understanding all of this broke me in a way, I did not understand what the appeal of all of this was, and yet I was still doing it without me realizing it.
That's also when I realized this habit was deep ingrained within me, I don't know for how long or since when, but it definitely got worse as these last few months happened.
I feel like one of the main causes for me getting distracted by doing this so often is that I've gotten used to how little effort it requires from my part to do this. Just swipe up and down, change from one tab to the other, that's all you need to do, unlike things like playing videogames which, sure, some might argue its also a low effort thing, but at least you're doing more than just moving one finger from one side to the other, you're getting to know more about the story, or having fun with friends, or competing to win, or all of these and more even.
Either way, after I realized what was going on, I quickly quit the phone, shut down the PC, and went for a long walk to get my mind off this habit I've developed and definitely worsened over time. It felt refreshing in a way, since I knew what was the problem now, I made my best to not focus on it, and it made me feel better.
Now I need to get this habit out of me, and I've made a few ideas to slowly achieve that, such as only checking social media when I have no other option (may it be posting new things or when my phone is exploding with notifications) and leaving Discord minimized rather than open at all times in my second monitor, so I don't go to it so often. This also means that I won't really check my feeds for posts anymore (except for communities I manage/mod at Game Jolt) which makes me sad because I'll be missing a ton of lovely art, but I'm doing this for myself, and I don't wanna fail myself again.
I guess the point I'm trying to make with this is that, if you ever notice something wrong, such as not advancing at things, or feeling like your life is way too boring, to take a look at what you usually do, maybe there's a habit you have in the way that has you feeling that way, and from there work towards changing it for something better.
I kept waiting for something to happen while switching from feed to feed, channel to channel, but I could have made something happen in that time instead. You can do it too.
-AnubiArts, really needs to buy a dumb phone.